World Dominance: A Guide (Part I)

I was recently discussing with a friend the merits of applying oneself. I told him he could accomplish a lot of he applied himself, but added that it would depend on what his goals were. "World dominance," was the answer. To prove my point, I am creating this guide to world dominance, so that everyone understands that any goal can be reached with the application of self.

First of all, I don’t want to suggest for a moment that this will be easy. You’ll have to apply yourself fully, every day, to achieve this end. There will hardly be time to rest between all you need to do--but remember, a good night’s sleep is vital to keep your wits sharp.

To begin: no more frivolous spending. World domination takes a lot of starting capital, so next time you feel like fast food, make yourself a sandwich instead. Video games might be fun, but you want to conquer the real world, and they won’t help with that.*

That is a fairly simple step, although it does involve some severe discipline. Just remember: you have a big goal here. It’s not to be undertaken lightly, and if you’re going to be sidetracked by a Blockbuster movie sale or the new Harry Potter book, world dominance is not for you.

It’s important to start networking NOW. Of course at this point you’re years from your dream, but networking with the right people can take a long time. I recommend buttons, bumper stickers, and a website as soon as possible. Get a street team to start putting the word out.** Make a myspace group.***

Now, you’ll need a good education. The bigger and better the education, the better off you’ll be in the long run. The population is more inclined to trust the word of a Harvard Grad than someone who went to Coffeyville Community College, let alone Podunk High. Not only do you need the credit, but you need to be smart. There is no way you can pull this off if you’re questioning your own intelligence.^

And speaking of trust, you’ll have to have an advisory council of people you can trust. I recommend that you start talking to your friends about this right away. Maybe you don’t want to reveal your plans outright, but you should definitely start probing to see who will fit into what role best.

You won’t be able to do this alone.^^ Figure out who you need, and where you need them, and you’re half way there.^^^

Lastly (for this part of things), I recommend reading up on your history. “But,” you may wonder, “why do I have to worry about this if I’m getting such a good education?” You cannot possibly know enough about previous dictatorships, assassinations, and the way the world has worked for the recorded history of the human race. Learn from THEIR mistakes; that’s what history books are for. Better to be prepared than to think, “Hmmm I suppose I should have read more about Louis XVI,” as your head rolls away from your body.

___________________________________________________________________
*Much.
**This is where that money you starting saving starts draining back out.
***Any self promotion you can do for free is good.
^If you are wondering if you’re smart enough to do this, you aren’t. Trust me.
^^At least not at first.
^^^Not really halfway but it might feel good to think of it that way.


Part II

Part III

Part IV